


All of my life

by juliciousjk



Category: K-pop, Park Won
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Miscarriage, Self Confidence Issues, athlete
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-25 06:17:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14372706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juliciousjk/pseuds/juliciousjk
Summary: Sehan isn't in the best of terms with his family. So, now him and his longterm girlfriend, Dohyun, only have each other to rely on. She's always been supportive of his goal to become a professional runner but the journey to reach it isn't so peaceful and everything shifts when Sehan starts to slowly drift away from her.This fic is based off the MV of the song All of my life by Park Won. I discovered it and fell in love with it when Jungkook from BTS covered it and so I looked up the MV and at the end felt the urge to watch a full movie with these nameless characters. Unfortunately, we all know this wasn't going to happen so I thought "fuck it! I'll do it myself". So I'd recommend you watch the MV before reading, for context.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work ever so please be indulgent hehe
> 
> Also since we don't know the characters' names in the MV, I gave them the names of the actors.

Sehan was looking for his keys in his training bag, worn out by today’s practice. When he finally found them, he put the key in the keyhole. Their door was broken and unlocking it involved a lot of contortions that he definitely didn’t have the energy for. Each of his movement was accompanied by an exasperated grunt. When the door eventually opened, a long sigh left his throat. While taking off his shoes and leaving all his stuff in the hallway, he could see Dohyun in the corner of his eye. She was sitting on the floor, legs crossed, her back leaning against the couch, her head resting on her hand while the other one was fidgeting her knee. Sehan entered the living room, immediately going towards his practice schedule taped on the wall.

« What is it? », he nonchalantly asks, his back facing her, focusing on the schedule in front of him, his finger tracing it to not lose track of the line he was reading.

« What? », she replies, feigning obliviousness.

Sehan turns around and lets out a sigh. « This. », he says, his hand gesturing in her direction.

« This? There’s no « this ». », she replies imitating his previous hand gesture, « I’m just sitting down, watching TV, doing normal stuff people do ».

« It’s off »

« What is? »

« The TV. It’s off. »

She stops looking into the void and looks up to look him in the eyes.

« Guess I must have turned it off at some point, I don’t know, what do you want me to say? »

« The truth. Tell me what’s up? »

« I’m fine, I’m just tired », at that she breaks eye contact, biting the inside of her cheek.

« No, no, we’re not doing this right now », Sehan chuckles.

« Doing what? », Dohyun snarks back.

« Why are you being like this? Always saying « it’s okay, I’m fine » when clearly something’s wrong! How do you expect me to know how you feel, if you don’t tell me? », he blurts out in annoyance.

« Oh! You want to know how I feel right now? You really do? ».

Sehan gestures her to speak, his movement hurried and irritated. At that, Dohyun’s eyes widen, as if to say, « Put that hand back where it belongs ».

« As if you’d care », she lets out, biting her upper lip.

« Oh my God… », as he says it Sehan rolls his eyes and sighs, turning back to his schedule.

Neither of them says anything for what feels like hours, the tension feeling heavier with each passing second. Dohyun finally breaks the silence.

« I feel like I’m underwater and you’re there looking down on me, all blurry », she manages to let out, her voice strangling with each word, « and- and- », she stutters, looking for her words, « we’re next to each other but I can’t see you properly, it’s all distorted. »

Sehan turns to face her, his initial annoyance suddenly turning into concern.

« I’m unable to breathe but you’re not offering a hand to pull me out. I’m suffocating, and I know you’re there, but you can’t see me. If you’re there, why can’t you see me? And why are you leaving me behind when you see me gasping for air ? », her eyes are filled with tears and one manages to roll down her cheek, « my lungs are about to give out because of how much I’ve been calling out to you, it’s like I’m screaming for you to see me too but it can never reach you. When will you finally see I’m here, drowning? when will I ever leave your peripheral vision and get in the main frame? », she screams, her voice breaking.

« Do »

« Even now », she cuts him while wiping the tear away, « we’re six feet apart, your back is turned on me and your finger hasn’t left this fucking schedule this whole time we were arguing », she hiccups.

Sehan looks at his hand, actually glued to the wall before looking back at her.

« Well I would have lost track if- », he stops himself as he sees new tears forming in her eyes.

She purses her lips, a few tears succeeding to leave her eyes as she blinked, before looking away. She starts fidgeting her right palm with her left thumb and says, voice hoarse and eyes looking down on her hands, « Yes. Of course. You wouldn’t want to miss practice because of a schedule mix up ».

Dohyun stands up and walks up to him to place a kiss on his cheek. He can feel a faint bit of wetness from her not yet wiped tears touching his skin as she does. As he looks at her, he has never seen eyes that sad and hollow. He takes his hand off the schedule to cup her face, but she steps away before it can, only allowing it to brush her chin.

« I hope you do well tomorrow », she says putting a fake smile on, « you must be hungry, you did a lot today. There’s food in the fridge if you want. ».

She heads to the bedroom and closes the door behind her. Sehan’s hand is still in the air where her face would have been if he had gotten to cup it. His gaze is blank and all he can hear is a buzzing sound and Dohyun’s quiet sobs and sniffles behind the door.

How did this happen? It hasn’t always been like this so where did it all go wrong? Since when has she been feeling like this? Since when has he stopped listening? Sehan’s mind is just freewheeling, asking a million questions and for the first time, he feels like he might be losing her. His chest aches at the thought and a lump forms in his throat. He walks up to the bedroom door, the sobs getting louder as he approaches. His hand hovers at the doorknob. He wants to go in, reassure her, tell her he’s sorry, that he loves her and all that sappy crap but eventually he decides against. Coward. So, he just sits against the door, hoping she can feel his presence, hoping she knows he does see her, hoping this is enough for now. But how could it ever be.


	2. Chapter 2

_3 months earlier_

The room was bathed in golden rays of sun, hitting Sehan and Dohyun’s faces through the blinds. They were laying in the bed they’ve been sharing for the past two years, tangled up in each other, knowing each other’s bodies like their own. But their bare skins still somewhat burning at the other’s touch.

Dohyun was sleepily applying lazy kisses on her boyfriend’s jaw in attempt to wake him up, he wouldn’t budge, and she was faced with a heavy defeat. Eventually, she gave up on having the cheesy cliché morning and started pulling his eyebrows and his lashes, putting a finger in his ear, pinching his nose closed. There was no way Sehan could be such a heavy sleeper.

Yes, there was.

As she shifted to lay on her stomach, holding herself with her elbows and started blowing in his ear, Sehan put a hand on her mouth.

« So you  _are_  awake !! », she let out, slightly offended.

She only got a sleepy grunt in response. Dohyun pouted and got really close to his ear, only to repeatedly whisper « wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup » in it. « Han ! You’ll be late for practice », she whined as she pulled his arm.

Sehan’s body shifted and he suddenly flipped her over, now holding himself on top of her, « stop that », he applied a peck on her lips and came back to his initial position in the bed. Dohyun lifted herself up with her elbows, looking down on him, « didn’t you say there would be recruiters today and you wanted to go early to practice a little bit more than usual and be on top of your game? ». At that Sehan opened one eye and met her gaze, simply humming in response.

« Sehan, this is really important. It’s a chance for you to become pro. So, get out of bed. », she said while poking his side, « Right now, your dream is only a kick in the ribs away » she said jokingly but still somehow threateningly.

Sehan pulled her in to cuddle, she immediately, out of habit, nuzzled into the crook of his neck before coming back to her senses, « Sehan! I’m serious ».

« Let’s just lay like this for a minute. », he said tightening his hug. Dohyun just gave in, her body warm in his embrace. They stayed silent for a moment, the sound of their breathing in unison providing a soothing lullaby.

« Isn’t it you mom’s birthday today? » Dohyun broke the silence.

« Is it? » Sehan replied, sarcastically.

« Your sister called a bunch of times last night telling you not to forget », Dohyun elaborated.

« I heard the voicemails, Do. You don’t have to sugarcoat it », he chuckled. « What she actually said was that, for once, I could try to play the part of a decent son and call her for her birthday and that my childish behavior wasn’t going to help ease the tensions in this family », at that he huffed. « As if I was the one responsible for those. But I guess those who are absent are always in the wrong. », he let a sad chuckle out.

Dohyun, tracing his ribcage with her fingers, placed a comforting kiss on his chest before asking, hesitantly « So … Are you going to call her? », her eyes travelled from her fingers to his eyes to meet his gaze.

« No. » he said in disbelief, arching a brow and slightly backing away from her embrace just enough to see her face. « Why would I do that? », he went on in a chuckle. « Why on earth would I want to put up a front, so they’d feel like they’re less shitty persons than they are? I’m not going to fake having a good relationship with them to ease their conscience. Haven’t even heard from them between this call and the one for her last birthday. Sooji really needs to change the record, telling me to be a decent human being every year is getting old ».

« But, I mean, they’re your family » she retorted, fidgeting his torso, eyes back on her fingers.

« No,  _you_ are my family Shin Dohyun. », as he said that, in this soft tone, Sehan caressed her cheek.

« Oh my God! You’re so fucking cheesy » she replied, faking being offended and squirming out of his arms, a smile appearing on her face from ear to ear.

« No, I’m serious », he pulled her back close to him, giggling, her back now pressed against his chest, arms wrapped around her waist, « the only family I have, the only one that matters, it’s you and me now. » he said, ever so gently, while applying kisses on her collarbone.

« Babe, you don’t need to use lame pick-up lines to get in my pants, I’m already naked in your bed right now », she bantered.

« That’s why we can’t have nice things », he let go of her as he faked annoyance, which only caused Dohyun to laugh harder. She sat up, placed a kiss on Sehan’s forehead and picked up a shirt from the floor that she put on before getting out of bed and heading to the shower. As he watched her leave, he screamed out « I love you! I’ll miss you while you’re in there! » to which he got an « Oh my God! Stop! », yelled out from the bathroom, in between laughs.

Sehan laid back on his back, hands behind his head. When Dohyun would get out of the shower, he’d have to get in. The idea of getting ready to go to practice only formed a knot in his stomach. This could either make his dream come true or crush everything he’s ever longed for. That was a terrifying thought. He wished he could have just laid there with his girlfriend playing with his hair or circling the moles on his cheek. Because, somehow, not trying at all felt like it would hurt less than failing. He was already a disappointment to his family and a disappointment to himself, did he need to prove to be one to the love of his life too? If she hadn’t realized yet, why give her a chance to see he wasn’t good enough?

Being a professional runner had been his lifelong goal and Dohyun had supported him every bit of the way. Times he wanted to give up, to quit, to lower his ambitions, she had been there to put his broken pieces back together. If trying was scary, letting her down by being a coward was even more. So, for her, he would just have to get it together.  

Dohyun entered the bedroom with a towel wrapped around her body, drying her hair with another. At her sight, Sehan snapped out of his thoughts and sat up. She smiled at him slightly as he headed towards the bathroom. He forced a smile back as he passed her by, got in the shower, turned on the water and let the cold liquid drown his face. As he did, his heart sank, he was getting ready to go, he was one step away from trying, this was it.

This was happening.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I tried an in media res kinda thing hehe hope you liked it, I'll be posting weekly so you can look forward to that. 
> 
> In the meantime, you can come talk about it with me on Twitter (@juliciousjk), Tumblr (toonobleforanger) or curious cat (https://curiouscat.me/juliciousjk).


End file.
